I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
