you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
