your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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