I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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