Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
