My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
