so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
