There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My feet surprised me
Randomize
