On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
