Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
