shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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