i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
