Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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