"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
