If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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