My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
