you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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