R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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