You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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