Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
