if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
