More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
