Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
