Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
