high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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