final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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