Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
