rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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