i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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