I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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