Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
