i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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