My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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