Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
