having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
