Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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