i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
