As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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