My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
