I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
