onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
