I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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