So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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