you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
