Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found the puke drawer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
