do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
