I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
