I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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