She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
