we're blogging at a bar
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
