i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
