Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
