You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
