this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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